shirt - Zara
skirt - Zara
boots - Tommy Hilfiger
watch - Michael Kors
bag - Cavalli Class
I guess it's a little awkward to share happy, dressed up pictures here along with some not so happy confessions. It is, however, what I promised to do when I started Velvet&Milk, but most of the times I gravitate towards happy-with-cherry-on-top and motivational-crap subjects. Which is ok, given that is how I feel 99% of the time. I am one of those irritatingly optimistic people. Except sometimes, like right now.
Right now I can't write like happy-with-cherry-on-top rainbows and unicorns kind of person, because I don't have it in me. I came face to face with the fact that for my own failures I am the only one to blame, and not even the best of excuses will make the situation any better. My heart has sunk. I need a kick in the ass.
Everything is constantly changing, and just like high and low tide, in my life there are moments where I'm at my best followed by the moments when I hit the rock bottom. It would be great if I didn't have to hit the lowest low in order to snap out of my apathy, but it is as it is.
I'm out of strength to fight the frustration caused by the fact that I'm constantly reaching for something that keeps slipping through my fingers. I'm out of ways to turn it into 'who knows why's that good for me'. It's not good. It has to change. I'm out of angles that make me look like an impressive persona to my own self. I've outgrown my own crap. I don't deserve sympathy, but I so desperately need it. I need someone to say 'I understand your struggle, and it's going to be okay'. Because it is going to be okay, but right now, it is not. Not at all.